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He liked porn and so did I so, we’d go over to his place and drink beer and watch porn. I wasn’t consciously thinking anything about the possibility of homosexuality when I was with Donny, but in retrospect, subconsciously I was falling in love with him.I can admit to myself now, after all that has happened, that I was a closet queen in denial for most of my life. For a while, when I was a young teen, I used to cross dress in secret. But I hated myself for it and pretended to loath “faggots,” even though part of me knew I might be one. But I fought it and when I was 23 I met Claire and we got married. I was a virgin, and from the beginning Claire had been the aggressor in our courtship, and after a short time we settled into a married routine, eventually having 3 kids. Sometimes during sex with Claire, I fantasized that I was with a man, but for the most part I successfully sublimated my homosexuality.One weekend Claire took the kids to her parents for the weekend, and on Friday. Mrs Rose has my written instructions; you should know, I think you typed them up. I’m damned sure Mrs Rose’s bill will reflect every minute she, you and your colleagues spend on my behalf.”I didn’t say goodbye, I just slammed the payphone back into its cradle. Damn-it, if the thing didn’t ring before I’d had the time to look up the number of hotel I’d left my gear at.“Yes!” I bellowed down the phone.“Owen, it’s Jenny! What’s going on?”“Your girl has got the message Jenny. I’m a little busy with my new life; please just carry through all the instructions we as we arranged.”“Where can I contact you?”“You can’t Jenny, I’ll be at sea. I’ll get in touch with you, should the need arise.”“Very well, I’ll wait until you get in contact. Nothing has changed then, you know concerning Katherine?”“No, it bloody-well hasn’t!”Okay Owen, you’re a little ... short today.”“What do you expect Jenny. I’ve spent the last fifty odd sodding hours travelling back from New Zealand. I’d like to get my head.
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